TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

 

Having been in Twelve Step Programs for over 25 years and In CoDA for going on seven years, I can only say to the best of my knowledge what is true for me. I am as new to the rest of my life today as I was on that first day of Program so many years ago. For each time that I have progressed, and overcame some particular addiction, it opened the door to further desire to improve the quality of my life. However, by the time I reached CoDA, I was still hurting a lot from parts of my life that had never healed. I came to CoDA in bits and pieces of healthiness, having reached a "one day at a time freedom" from many addictions. Little did I know what lay ahead.

 

I remember walking into my first CoDA meeting and receiving a coin that had the Serenity Prayer on one side and on the other side CoDA's logo "to thine own self be true" and a diamond with CoDA in the middle surrounded by the words "WELCOME" and the other words "discovery", "recovery", "self", and "respect".

 

I always loved the words "to thine own self be true" and the "Serenity Prayer". I remember how the Serenity Prayer became my mantra sorting out time and again "my thinking" and finally giving me the serenity to accept the things I couldn't change and the courage to change the things I could, and the wisdom (ability) to know the difference. Sometimes it took a long time to develop the wisdom to know the difference, sometimes the answer was immediate, and sometimes I might still lack the ability to know the difference. It is at these times that "to thine own self be true" guides me to more wisdom. For me codependence is about giving away my self‑worth i.e. being true to others and not to myself and it's motivated by fear of not being loved. I don't see what I have done, but I feel worthless and I know that isn't being true to myself. My truth arrives amid tears that cleanse my heart and it is my tears that connect me to my inner truth washing away the curtain that keeps me from seeing the truth about myself. I treasure these moments of self‑awareness for it is in these moments that I experience the courage to change.

 

Jane H.