Fred M.

Out there somewhere there had to be just the right person for me. There had
to be some one who would really like me. There would be someone with whom I
could really communicate with on a very personal basis. There had to be
someone with whom I could share my deepest secrets. There were good things
to share; but there were some bad things also that this person would let me
discuss. This right person would like me after they learned not only the
good things about me; but they would still like me after they learned about
the bad things.
After years went by, it seemed that this person would never show up. I hated
to think that this person would not enter my life so I kept looking for that
certain someone. As time went on I grew more bitter and mad and frustrated.
How come this person does not show up and fix me? I wanted someone to make
me whole. It seemed that part of me was missing. As the time passed I put
more and more anger in the bags I carried with me. You have heard the
expression "carrying a lot of baggage". Well my bags get heavier and
heavier. I said to myself - I am a strong person and I can carry these heavy
bags. I just put all the anger and madness and frustration and depression in
the bags and I carry them with me. I will show everyone just how tough I am.
Well no one showed up to carry the bags.
No "right person" showed to make it all right.
So one day I decided to put down the bags.
I was tired.
I was depressed.
I was angry.
I was sad.
How come no one will carry these bags?
Then a miracle happened. That special person appeared.

That special person appeared with whom I could share the good things and the
bad things.
It was me.

I found the "Courage to Change" and although there was a lot of pain in the
process of getting to know and live with this new "person" it was the right
thing to do at the right time. I carried those bags for a lot of years.
There is still a tendency to go back and pick up those bags again. It seems
like an addiction like smoking. Even after quitting cigarettes over twenty
years ago, there are stressful times when I crave a cigarette. That is how
it is with the bags. In stressful times, it seems like I need to grab those
bad bags.

I have found it is ok to put down the bags.
I have learned it is ok to open the bad bags and look inside.
I have learned to look at and feel the bad things and to move on.
Once an addict - always an addict.
Once a bag carrier - always a bag carrier. But now I know I can put them
down and that is help.
No pain - no gain. It is not easy being human; but it ain't so great being
not human either.
Before there was just pain; now there is pain and gain.
I have learned I can be better to others by being better to myself. I am a
work in progress.