Sometimes I Just Need To Keep My Mouth Shut

Sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut. I grew up believing that I had to save the world. Everything was crashing around me, my father’s drinking, my mother’s silence and denial. I had to keep myself distracted from the painful reality by keeping myself distracted. As I strip away my addictions the pain comes back and I can discover the core reason why I deny myself peace, joy and love in my life. Many of my addictions are easy to recognize because they are material, but sometimes it’s hard to notice the seemingly immaterial ones like words. I was blessed with a great intelligence and with my codependence I developed a way of clearly seeing what was going on around me to protect myself from the inevitable chaos. One way I protect myself and deaden my internal pain is by telling everyone around me what to do in their personal and business lives. Somehow if I could make sense of the world I felt I had a responsibility to fix it or make sure that those around me understood how to fix it. And of course, my way was the right way. I have to be gentle with myself today and know that I develop this habit of putting in my two cents and making other people take it as a way to distract myself from my own pain. Today I can check in with myself before I open my mouth and see if there’s internal business that I need to take care of, before I start giving someone else a suggestion. I can check my reasons for wanting to give them a suggestion. Is the silence painful? Does this situation remind me of a chaotic childhood moment? I can also let go of what they do with my suggestion, knowing that their higher power can take care of them, and knowing that there are more solutions in God’s imagination than mine.

Today’s suggestion: Because I deserve the fruits of my intuition as much as others do, I take more time to make suggestions to myself about what to do, than I open my mouth to give suggestions to others.

K.S.