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When I look back at all the pain and suffering, it was my long relationship with self-destructive habits that created the prison that became my home.   I only knew what I grew up with. That dysfunctional thinking brought on certain attitudes and actions that weren't so easy to toss aside when I first came into CoDA almost 22 years ago. 

I lived with my parents instructions and they were filled with misconceptions and lies.  Although they were living in their reality, I was trying to figure out my life with very little guidance on what was healthy and what was codependent.  I made into the rooms of CoDA in August of 1994 thinking that I didn't have a problem.  I blamed everyone around me until no one was left but the person staring back in the mirror. 

I struggled, I cried and I complained, but after each meeting filled with loving, recovering codependents, I knew I found my new home.  I found a new place to grow up again and that has been a gift.  I stayed connected to my new recovering CoDA family and miracles began to take over my whole outlook.  I didn't have to fall down as hard and the keys to that self-made prison were no longer needed.  I learned how to let go and allow my Higher Power to work his magic in my life instead of the self-centered fears that kept me bouncing from one pathetic experience to another.  

I was 28 years old when I came into CoDA and after 14 years of thinking I wouldn't ever be healthy enough for a committed, loving relationship, I met my husband.  I was pleasantly surprised to finally feel the capacity of love possible, but not so much for another person, but rather for myself.  As I came to accept myself and all my flaws, I knew that I was being guided by the God of my understanding and with the love and patience of my CoDA family.  The next most beautiful part of my recovery was adopting our daughter.  I became a first-time Mom at the age of 46 and that has been the one gift I give thanks for everyday.  She is my teacher, my saving grace and most of all she is the answer to my prayers and all that is possible.   

Warmly,

Danielle O.


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