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When I attended my first CoDA meeting March 2014, I had 2yr marriage counseling & 1mo of AA. I'd acknowledged the unmanageability, but not the source of them. The characteristics I read at my first CoDA meeting that I read struck home, and I knew that I had found my safe spot. Then the work began.

After Step 3, I felt stuck in my recovery, but I couldn't identify the obstruction. My sponsor helped me push through my struggles of the 4th Step. The dose of humility I swallowed at that time has since helped me to keep my hamster-wheel from spinning out of control (most of the time, anyway).

I recently identified my strongest sense of Serenity. The questions I was stuck on prior to CoDA were focused outside of my hula-hoop (such as "Why doesn't my boss understand/accept me?" and "Why did my father disown me?" and "Why doesn't my wife love me?"). They have since changed into questions inside my hula-hoop (such as "Why do I react to my boss this way?" and "Why can't I accept my father for who he is?" and "Why didn't l show my wife how much I loved her?). With a healthy perspective, I'm not blocked from my H.P. and I'm released from my OCD committee. It may be subtle, but it was a profound change for me.

The hurdle for me was to be willing to accept the truth that I'm not capable of OR responsible to know every answer to all of the questions 'Why...?'. My tiny brain will never encompass all of those answers. That is an unrealistic expectation of myself, and it is way beyond my responsibilities.

Today, I choose to believe that my H.P.’s Plan can see me through all of the curve balls that Life will pitch at me. Certainly, some days are easier than others, but it's gotten easier for me as I practice that simple (& challenging) principle of 1-Day-at-a Time.

My instinct to reach for those answers is still there, and if I figure them out, it's easier for me to attain acceptance. But trusting my H.P. allows me to accept now what I couldn't before (sometimes even when I don't like the answers that I'm given). 

I am on Step 8 now, but I only recently perceived this about my path of recovery. I'm just now recognizing how this little nugget of personal insight helps me tremendously day in & day out. If someone is stuck like I was, I hope this helps. Bless any and all who read this post.

Chris J - 2016

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